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Fell in Love With Tequila Again

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Falling in love again after being hurt or experiencing loss tin can be hard. You may feel afraid to let yourself be vulnerable again if your previous partner injure yous. Y'all may feel guilty to let yourself fall in love with someone new if y'all lost someone you loved. Nonetheless, there are some things you can exercise to assist yourself be fix to love and exist loved once again.

  1. 1

    Understand that information technology's normal to feel confused about your feelings. The parts of your brain that deal with falling in dear are the same parts that handle concrete pain and even addiction.[i] Falling in honey tin feel wonderful, just it can besides cause serious emotional and fifty-fifty physical distress when you experience the loss of that dear. Fourth dimension can help you recover, simply information technology's not a procedure you can rush.

  2. two

    Assert that you deserve love. It tin be hard to believe that you deserve to be loved, especially if you have experienced relationships that focused on criticizing your imperfections rather than accepting you lot as a person. All the same, everyone is worthy of existence loved, and y'all can help develop that sense of worthiness by practicing loving yourself. Learning to exercise self-compassion can help you increase your feelings of self-worth.

    • Self-compassion involves 3 basic elements: self-kindness (accepting yourself as a flawed but worthwhile man being), common humanity (understanding that all humans make mistakes), and mindfulness (recognizing and accepting experiences without judging them).
    • If you lot take hold of yourself making generalizing statements such as "I'll never find someone who loves me" or "Nobody wants me," endeavour to find evidence that challenges these statements, such equally "I oasis't found a romantic human relationship all the same, but I do have friends who similar to be around me" or "My value does not depend on whether others want me. I am worthy of love considering I am human being." Psychologists have demonstrated that challenging these self-negating behavior tin actually change how y'all feel nigh yourself.[2]

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  3. 3

    Consider meditation or mindfulness preparation. Practicing mindfulness is a core element of self-compassion, and it can also help you during times of stress or anxiety. One of the most dissentious things about experiencing the loss of a relationship is playing the "what if" game with yourself: "What if I'd said something different?" "What if I'd been taller/shorter/funnier?" Habitation on all of the possible ways things could take turned out differently volition prevent you from existence able to move on and notice new happiness. Meditation, which focuses on existence present in the moment, tin can help y'all get over obsessing virtually the past.[3]

  4. 4

    Explore your own identity. Information technology's very important to understand your core identity -- your hopes, your goals, your values -- earlier committing to a relationship with someone else. Knowing who you lot are, what you want, and what you lot value will help you decide what things you tin can compromise on and what are 18-carat deal-breakers. Understanding yourself will also help you avoid looking for a relationship to "fulfill" things for you that you tin simply fulfill yourself.[four]

    • Many things about a person tin can and do alter, but nosotros ordinarily all have some core values that tend to remain constant throughout our lives, such equally ambition, honesty, consistency, flexibility, or vulnerability. These beliefs guide our behavior, choices, and actions. Agreement what these are for you will assistance y'all detect someone who shares them.[v]
    • Other of import things about yourself to consider could be whether or not y'all feel the desire to take children, how you approach earning and managing coin, your determination-making processes, and your need to find a partner who shares your religious beliefs.[6]

  5. 5

    Determine what you want. Many people want the aforementioned bones things out of a romantic relationship: love, support, companionship. All the same, how these desires manifest themselves vary betwixt people. Take some time to explore your emotional needs and priorities and how your platonic partner could fulfill those. Figure out what is essential, and what you could comfortably compromise on.

    • Keep your expectations realistic. It's quite advisable and healthy to desire a partner who respects and supports you; without those behaviors, you can't have a salubrious relationship. However, it's non healthy to need a partner to make yous feel "whole" or "worthwhile." Those are needs yous can only come across for yourself.
    • Information technology'south mutual to accept a list of "must-haves" for a partner, but therapists say that the virtually of import "must-have" in a romantic relationship is someone who shares your core values. For example, if yous value emotional openness and the other person doesn't, it will be very hard for you to maintain a fulfilling relationship.[7]

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    Consider what works well in your other relationships. In club to help you understand what type of person will make y'all happy in a romantic relationship, consider the other relationships yous have, such every bit those with friends and family, that y'all feel satisfied by. What feelings do you experience in those relationships, and why? How do those people relate to you and express their feelings for you lot?[8]

    • Likewise consider the types of friends you lot tend to take. While about of united states of america have friends with very dissimilar personalities, in many cases they will still possess cadre traits that allow united states to class fulfilling relationships with them. For instance, if you notice that most of your close friends are extroverts, you may want to look for a partner who is extroverted. If you tend to have very openly appreciating friends, a partner who is less emotionally demonstrative might not satisfy your needs.

  7. vii

    Reverberate on what happened with past relationships. While it'due south tempting to endeavour to never think of an ex again later a break-up, research has demonstrated that people who reverberate on their recent break-ups actually recover more chop-chop and easily than those who don't engage in this reflection.[9] Expressing your feelings, whether to a therapist, a friend or to yourself in a journal, tin can aid you lot recover from the emotional damage of a break-up and reinforce your positive sense of self.

    • Reflection can also assistance yous pinpoint whatsoever unhealthy or unproductive behaviors that occurred in your last relationship; ofttimes, those same behaviors will come up dorsum to haunt your new relationship unless you accept action to change yourself and how yous search for romance.

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  1. 1

    Avoid the "fantasy bond" when forming a new relationship. This term was coined by psychologist Robert Firestone to depict a phenomenon that happens all as well often in new relationships: Because of defensive behaviors established due to past hurts, the individuals within a couple carelessness their individual identities and interests to merge into a single unit, in the hopes that it volition completely fulfill and protect them.[x]

    • This causes issues considering information technology doesn't allow either partner to live equally a unique individual within a salubrious couple relationship. Information technology fosters dependency, possessiveness, and putting the other person into a gear up "role" rather than accepting the challenges that come up with real adult relationships.[xi]
    • Signs of a "fantasy bond"-based relationship include:
      • Difficulty in expressing interests or ideas other than those yous share with your partner
      • Relying on everyday routines for intimacy rather than emotional closeness
      • Overusing "we" statements, speaking for the other person
      • Defining yourself as a "part" (wife, mother, breadwinner, begetter) rather than developing personal goals and interests
      • Discomfort in pursuing any activities or interests on your own, without your partner (or discomfort if your partner does these things)

  2. 2

    Establish meaningful communication with the other person. Particularly if you've been injure in love before, information technology may be hard for yous to feel comfortable opening up about your existent interests and feelings. Even so, if you desire to develop a healthy, happy romantic relationship, meaningful communication is essential.[12]

    • Talk about your ideas, goals, and interests. The ability to share what's most important to you lot with another person is ane of the highlights of romantic relationships.
    • Avoid listen-reading. Especially if you lot feel like you know someone well, it can be tempting to "read between the lines" when they say something, especially if that something has upset you. For instance, if your significant other forgot an of import date for you, a mind-reading response would be: "You forgot this considering you don't really care what's important to me." If you detect yourself or your significant other saying things like "If you actually loved me you would…." take a stride back.[13] Enquire the other person what happened; don't make assumptions.

  3. 3

    Invite self-disclosure from the other person. Enquiry psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron has famously developed a listing of 36 questions that foster interpersonal intimacy, such as "If you knew that in one twelvemonth you would die suddenly, would you modify anything well-nigh the fashion you are now living? Why?"[fourteen] These piece of work because good questions do more than inquire about surface-level interests; they invite word about the other person'southward hopes, dreams, goals, and values.

  4. 4

    Try non to idealize your partner. When you're experiencing the offset exciting rush of falling in dear, it can be piece of cake to idealize the other person as "the one," the merely person who knows you, fulfills you, or could possibly sympathise you. The problem with this is that nobody can alive up to that ideal, and when y'all finally come to that realization, you lot may end upward overreacting to discovering your partner's flaws.[15]

    • While you don't want to dwell on or overly criticize your partner'due south flaws, acknowledging them is healthy. All humans take flaws and brand mistakes; being honest about this will help yous have the other person for who they are, rather than an idea of what you want them to be.

  5. 5

    Be yourself. If your pregnant other really loves yous, southward/he will accept you for who you are, flaws and all. S/he should also accept that yous have interests of your ain that give meaning to your life, and should not try to keep you from enjoying healthy pursuits. Beingness yourself in a romantic human relationship not only gives you the liberty to be happy and fulfilled, it allows the other person to express themselves and feel that liberty too.[16]

    • Particularly if y'all've experienced abusive or traumatic relationships in the past, it tin exist easy to feel as though you demand to modify yourself to make yourself "lovable" to the other person. However, while we all make modest changes (keeping the house neater, showing upwards on time, etc.) to adapt the other person'due south needs, you should not feel as though you lot need to "settle" for someone who mistreats yous or makes yous experience every bit though you need to change something fundamental virtually yourself to make them happy.[17] If you feel afraid to express your true feelings, or if y'all worry about acting as yous ordinarily would around your partner, y'all may not be in a relationship that'southward healthy for you.

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  • Question

    Can you fall in love with the same person twice?

    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of feel. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Engineering in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.

    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

    Licensed Psychologist

    Adept Respond

    Back up wikiHow by unlocking this practiced answer.

    Yep, absolutely. People break up for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, they're not ready for the type of commitment that was required of them in that relationship, or sometimes they need to abound personally. You could hands fall dorsum in love with somebody who went through a process similar that and then came back into your life.

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  • Don't cutting your friends and family out of your life later on a interruption-upwardly. Being around people who love and support y'all will assist you move on and be set up to fall in dearest again.

  • Endeavor not to feel pressured to jump into a long-term relationship immediately. It's okay to date casually for awhile, specially after a intermission-up, before you notice another serious romance.

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Article Summary Ten

Falling in love once again subsequently a loss or beingness hurt can be scary, simply at that place are means you tin can prepare yourself for a new human relationship. The all-time manner is to take fourth dimension to grieve the loss of your human relationship and assert to yourself that yous practise deserve love. While it's natural to have confusing feelings during this time, if you lot catch yourself making statements like "I don't deserve love", attempt to notice evidence that challenges those beliefs. For example, you tin tell yourself "My value doesn't depend on whether others want me. I am worthy of love considering I'grand homo". Once yous feel comfortable seeing new people, effort your best non to idealize your partner every bit the simply person who could perchance understand you. Falling in love once again can be an incredible rush, but idealizing someone will only cause you to overreact when you realize their flaws. For more advice from our Mental Health co-author, like how to decide what you desire in a relationship, read on.

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